Note: The following below is the same thing I've just posted on Facebook. I'm too nervous to write two different things for social media and a blog, so here it is.
It's hard to adequately find the words to be able to say this right, so I'm just gonna go ahead and rip the bandaid off here and now.
For a long time, since I was 12 or 13, I've suspected I've not been straight. But it was two-and-a-half years ago I've been able to put a label on it. And the fact this happened at a time too when my life was in the shiiter as it was was...well, not exactly the best. Having to deal with your sexuality whilst dealing with an ill parent who'd subsequently pass was not ideal timing. But there we go.
However, at that time, I found a label. And well, it's a very specific label under the bisexual umbrella (that's a thing - look it up). I'm not going to elaborate on it publicly, but if you want to message me about it, door's open. I'm happy to talk about it (mostly).
It's only recently I've started coming out to people about it. I had the pang to tell someone for a while, but it was only last Autumn - Halloween night, specifically - where I first told someone. I've since told friends that I trust implicitly as well as outside family, perhaps to mixed success.
But the truth is that while I've wanted to tell people for a while, I've now also had it kinda forced out of my hands thanks to a situation I won't elaborate on.
But needless to say, it's time anyway. I've had this on me for a long time and I'm getting weary from it. It's time. And I won’t have this taken out of my hands or be a detriment to my health – both mental and physical.
Yesterday, for the first time, I told some of my immediate family. And well, the reaction was essentially as I expected – stupid gushy shite. And, well, gushy after saying something incredibly important and revealing is not exactly something I deal well with considering I then end up red in the face and slightly embarrassed. But yeah, embarrassing gushy nonsense aside, I was delighted with how it went. They’re an alright supportive lot.
To the majority who will only be finding out for the first time reading this, I’m not sorry about that. I told only people who I felt I was comfortable with. It’s only now I’m finally going public after gathering enough courage to do it. Plus, I don't exactly trust a whole lot of people (it's only recently too I've had that trust recently burnt, but that's for another day).
A long time ago, I used to, naively, feel that maybe it was easy to come out in that now that we’re in accepting times, we wouldn’t have to go through it like as if we were pulling teeth. Now that I’ve gone through this, this is absolutely not true. While it’s definitely a lot easier to come out as a LGBTQ person and while progress for LGBTQ people to be accepted has come a long way even in the past decade, let alone since I was born, I still feel I was such a shitheel for thinking it was so easy for other people to come out. In truth, it isn’t. Hopefully, we’ll get to a point in the future where coming out isn’t this huge thing and that going out with someone of the same sex is seen equally as going out with someone of the opposite sex.
I’m not gonna name names, but there’ve been three people especially over the past few months who’ve been nothing short of incredible with me in terms of their advice, guidance and support.
They are amazing people and I will make it up to them in kind – promise. I hope they know who they are.
Sounds like a good place to leave it there, I think. Like I said, door’s open if you want to chat shit about this or anything.
Thanks for reading. x